"THE GOOD THAT GOES WRONG"

       Strange as it is, all has change and the wrong feels good now. All that made me happy, alcohol try to rid it of my mind. Just pretending to be a refuge and an escape from reality. Alcohol had become a way of fantasize with words that don't exist, especially the world called "Love". Love whose concept I had was completely erroneous.   

       Those words are complicated to say, but I never expected than an "I love you" could hurt. Not being that mine intention. What I said was surrounded by a suffocating hug, trying to not let her go. Too beautiful when she smile at me, now even a world comes out of her. I didn't know in what I've failed. I didn't know what I have done. I just have vanished in front of her clear eyes. It has been curious how blind we are from each other. And how hypocrisy reflects on our faces just for the masses, like nothing happens. Why? always was my question of this nonsense.

        "A beer, please" - was my common words, even knowing the bitter of the taste. Her silence said something that I wouldn't capable to understand, and alcohol responded for me. I'm overwhelmed, because all I knew as anti-moral wasn't anymore. I'm young, just enough to know the difference of good and wrong. I knew that alcohol is bad, and I didn't care about it. But what else could I do when being good wasn't good enough for her. I still remember those days of happiness we spent, when we play, helping her parents, swimming, sleeping and laughing at her house together with her brothers. Her way of being, her beauty made me fall in love so deeply captivating my insensitive heart. The happiness was over from one day to another. I couldn't understand what happened between us,  and it's when alcohol appeared saying "she loves you" - "she hates you" turning these phrases into answers. 

       "Could you give me another" - if I can't understand, maybe alcohol will be more useful on trying to forget. I don't know why I want to forget, possibly it's just because I'm ashamed and afraid. Afraid of leaving my feeling behind, eventhough there were tears, also there were beautiful moments. Ashamed because she was the only girl who has refused me, something that irritated me. So humiliating that someone, weak and harmless could had kept my pride under her domain.  Even before and after, those girls that I hag out weren't capable of keeping my feelings apart from her.  I was destroying my child's dreams by my impure hands while alcohol makes its way through the throat. A family, a true love  ceased be a dream. And I've implored alcohol to take away those feelings that perturbed me. But forgetting seems that is not the real reason, the main reason is the blood's sins that runs inside her and me.

       "Yes, Dad" - father, mother I'm sorry for hiding from you. That's the call I had, telling me that my secret was revealed. I understand her silence now, the silence was the answer that she gave me. And I will try to leave those things in the way they must be. It's time to let her go, and I have to go far away now, I have to leave this path....  I'm so sorry, I hope she can forgive me some day, my beautiful cousin.