"MAKING A PROMISE"

 

        Making a promise is difficult, but leaving behind all you love is devastating. Maybe this wasn't the situation or place I expected, but the United States was visible on the horizon. I started to to understand what sacrifice meant; I left home, friends and family just to recover my childhood with mom and dad. An adventure where fear, and adrenalin were present as I was getting closer to my goal, my promise - to be together one more time. 

       The people I know have disappeared, and now are strangers taking care of us. My brother and I didn't understand what was happening, until we received a call; it was my mother telling us that was time to see us again. Our answer wasn't thought out, we just accepted it. But confusion was taking over my mind, we didn't know who we were anymore, our name and social status has change. We were going to leave our homeland without saying a word, just to live how it's supposed to be - like a family. 

       The challenge wasn't hard, because I always have carried my amulet - my brother, a brother that has been with me all my life. But now he is gone, they took him away from me. Loneliness came through as my only companion, and it blinded my decision of keep fighting. Depression plus a boy of thirteen years old equals a surrender. I didn't have the same enthusiasm that I'd started this adventure with. I just wanted my brother back. Every day that passed came with disillusion and I was disappointed with myself. I hate cowards and now I became one of them.

       Encouragement came after a call I received, I was my little brother. He has gotten into the United States one moth earlier. Now I'm the one who has to take the reins of that promise. A new identity was gave it to me with a fake smile, just to approve the United States's rules...  submitted my face just to fit in the parameters of my other I. Surgical blades cut my flesh to be more like the photo. A new accent had come out of my throat. Expensive clothes were part of my wardrobe. Also my name was changed, I wasn't longer part of the family I belong to. I would do everything just to assert my word. I was ready, it was time to tell all about my new self. After nervous answers, peace appeared and covered the entire place. Then I was able to took that flight bravely. I was a new boy from nowhere, no name, but with the same love for my family. A feeling that never changed in my heart. I was fulfilling my promise. 

       Five years was the term, and we were a few step from each other. I just had to wait for for the "blood's call" - that should came any moment from the crowds. And there it was "Edson" "Edson" - at that time I knew that I've recovered myself again. I stepped into the United States facing my promise. America was living my dream, we were together one more time.

"THE GOOD THAT GOES WRONG"

       Strange as it is, all has change and the wrong feels good now. All that made me happy, alcohol try to rid it of my mind. Just pretending to be a refuge and an escape from reality. Alcohol had become a way of fantasize with words that don't exist, especially the world called "Love". Love whose concept I had was completely erroneous.   

       Those words are complicated to say, but I never expected than an "I love you" could hurt. Not being that mine intention. What I said was surrounded by a suffocating hug, trying to not let her go. Too beautiful when she smile at me, now even a world comes out of her. I didn't know in what I've failed. I didn't know what I have done. I just have vanished in front of her clear eyes. It has been curious how blind we are from each other. And how hypocrisy reflects on our faces just for the masses, like nothing happens. Why? always was my question of this nonsense.

        "A beer, please" - was my common words, even knowing the bitter of the taste. Her silence said something that I wouldn't capable to understand, and alcohol responded for me. I'm overwhelmed, because all I knew as anti-moral wasn't anymore. I'm young, just enough to know the difference of good and wrong. I knew that alcohol is bad, and I didn't care about it. But what else could I do when being good wasn't good enough for her. I still remember those days of happiness we spent, when we play, helping her parents, swimming, sleeping and laughing at her house together with her brothers. Her way of being, her beauty made me fall in love so deeply captivating my insensitive heart. The happiness was over from one day to another. I couldn't understand what happened between us,  and it's when alcohol appeared saying "she loves you" - "she hates you" turning these phrases into answers. 

       "Could you give me another" - if I can't understand, maybe alcohol will be more useful on trying to forget. I don't know why I want to forget, possibly it's just because I'm ashamed and afraid. Afraid of leaving my feeling behind, eventhough there were tears, also there were beautiful moments. Ashamed because she was the only girl who has refused me, something that irritated me. So humiliating that someone, weak and harmless could had kept my pride under her domain.  Even before and after, those girls that I hag out weren't capable of keeping my feelings apart from her.  I was destroying my child's dreams by my impure hands while alcohol makes its way through the throat. A family, a true love  ceased be a dream. And I've implored alcohol to take away those feelings that perturbed me. But forgetting seems that is not the real reason, the main reason is the blood's sins that runs inside her and me.

       "Yes, Dad" - father, mother I'm sorry for hiding from you. That's the call I had, telling me that my secret was revealed. I understand her silence now, the silence was the answer that she gave me. And I will try to leave those things in the way they must be. It's time to let her go, and I have to go far away now, I have to leave this path....  I'm so sorry, I hope she can forgive me some day, my beautiful cousin.  

"DON'T BE AFRAID"

 

       Unexpected creatures are waiting for us while we get closer to that farm. My brother and I were at that place countless times. But the times have changed and we had to take another road to get there and by our own. Fear was there to play and we were its tiny toys. As "Hanzel and Gretel" the tears were the only clue to return back, but it evaporates just touching the ground.  

       My grandparents's farm always was our favorite playground. A place away from the noise of civilization. Where the breathe is enjoyable. Maybe we were lazy with the job that a farm required, but walking, helping and playing with our uncles was unforgettable. The house looks abandoned, build with wood that decays because of the termites. But inside of the house it had everything a child could imagine. Even the city where I was growing up was small compared to that place. A TV with an immense amount of channels, a desk computer, amazing speakers that makes music pass through the small town. But to get into the little paradise, we must sacrifice two hours of walking, not a difficult issue since we just followed my family's steps. But we never went alone, it was our first time. And we had to take a different road that day.

       That rural area was different; we never went higher than that point before in the mountain. Suddenly fear came out because the unknown path that was in front of us. I'm the oldest and I should protect my little brother, fear doesn't have to take me over.  "Don't cry please." I couldn't let my brother down, he depended on me and the emotions were getting stronger with each step we made. The midday was falling into darkness, we were afraid of losing ourselves in that jungle.  We never saw that river before,  but we had to cross it with our little boots. After the river, our will was tested while we incorporated ourselves more into the woods. And those grotesque tales of my uncle were turning real inside.

       The beasts eaters children were stalking us and the innocence didn't notice. Reptiles crossed our path on several occasions, also the hidden "sss" sound was the most perturbing. Serpents that invited us to be part of their aperitif. And demonic chants came from the right side of the hill, sung by vultures, while they synchronized in a circle. Then from the tall grass top, devil's horns appeared, and my heart was shocked. I just lay down waiting for my last breathe. Fortunately it was an unleashed cow that came through the grass. Then there was that cute little voice again "Don't cry" - "Don't be afraid". I was the one who was covered in tears and my fearless little brother was in front guiding me.

    The monsters and demons have disappeared now, thanks to a little boy who is always with me. The adventure was to reach its conclusion. After a few curves later while I was cleaning my tears. My grandfather and three uncles were working at the new road. Laughing, they took us to the house and I could breathe that air that harmonized me. And my brother and I returned to live our childhood in that earthly paradise.